Friday, October 5, 2012

weeks 33-35

Written by Shannon Leigh
Brenna -400
Man do I feel pregnant.
It's actually kind of crazy how much more pregnant I feel this time around than last.
This whole pregnancy thing is crazy tough on a girl's body, especially the 2nd time around (Dear Mrs. Duggar, you're nuts).

It's no secret that I am not a big fan of being pregnant.  It's a means to an end.  You get a baby at the end and that's awesome, but truth be told the getting there kinda sucks.
I know it's beautiful and a miracle and all (which it really/truly is) but it just feels to me like a big fat inconvenience with a side of discomfort. I know I sound like big fat ungrateful baby.  I know I am blessed.

Truthfully I have enjoyed being pregnant more this time than last time and I will slightly miss the alien movement I feel in my tummy when he's out.  As far as pregnancy goes, it appears that I have great ones, so really it could be much, much worse.  Although I hurt- ALOT- especially after a shoot (weddings are even worse) I feel decent most of the time.  The contractions seem worse after a busy/physical day but maybe they'll make labor a little quicker this time?  They have to be good for something, right?  They're too uncomfortable to not be doing anything.

My poor house has been so neglected as far as cleaning goes.  Photography is such a physical job that I haven't had the energy to give her a good scrub down in quite awhile.  I have looked into getting it professionally cleaned before Mister comes but man I just don't know if I can justify the cost.  I have light fixtures to buy… for  a house that I don't live in yet.  Come on people.

The bigger I get at this point the more real "getting him out" is.  I guess that's why the end sucks so bad, so you'll have the motivation to push the little booger out.  That part really isn't easy.

Now that we are getting so close I am feeling a bit insecure.
Will I know how to raise a boy?  Will I do ok?
How on earth can I love another baby the way I love Ruby?  My heart feels like it may explode sometimes because I love her so much, could I possibly love another one the same way?
Will a boy feel different?
How will Ruby react?  Will she feel neglected?

The insecurities get me down sometimes but then I remember how sufficient and abundant God's grace really is and how fully he loves me.
No matter how much I love my babies, my Jesus loves me infinitely more.  The plans he has for me are so much better than the plans I could have made for myself.  Remembering this in the moments of chaos is key.

I'll be "full term" in a week and a half.  YIKES…. but We'll see when Mister decides to make his appearance- I am betting at least a week after his due date:)

Stay tuned!


Katie N said...

I love seeing this was posted in the middle of the night Haha- oh do I not miss those days ;) Can't wait to see you next week!

Linnea DiBerardino said...

I love your blog Shannon! I share your feelings on being pregnant and having mom worry! The mom worry won't go away but your pie of love will just grow with the new little guy. Hang in there :)