Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Week 36-39

Written by Shannon Leigh
The end of this pregnancy has been kind of strange.
I am pretty nervous this time around.  I mean I am excited to meet the little man but I'm nervous too.  Life is just going to change so much. Last time I just couldn't wait to hold my new bundle.  This time, I already HAVE a bundle at home and I don't want her to feel neglected or not important… you know, it's that tremendous amount of mommy guilt.  I still can't imagine loving another one the way I love my Ruby.  I am sure I will but I just can't picture it.

Besides being HUGE I have developed a multitude of random pregnancy symptoms this time around.  Oh the joy.
Like pregnancy induced carpel tunnel.  Really?  Thankfully I didn't develop it until about a week before my last wedding (around week 37) but my poor achy hands, especially at night. I finally broke down and bought some wrist braces to wear at night and that has helped tremendously.  You should see me in them, they're sexy. I am just so cool.  I am hoping this symptom will resolve itself shortly after delivery.  My work kind of depends on my hands.

The house has actually become a house in the last few weeks too.  It's been a pretty great distraction from the long hard days that accompany any pregnancy at the end.  We have paint, floors, and siding.  It's coming together nicely.  It's pretty nerve racking to see all of my choices coming together.  This whole thing has been SUCH a long process with SO many choices.  I just hope we made the right decisions.  So far, so good.  I am sure there will be things that we wish we would have done differently but we have been pretty pleased so far.

Last Saturday I had contractions all day, 2 1/2 to 3 minutes apart.  We finally decided to go into the hospital in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep through them.  Sure enough I was having contractions but I seemed to stall out at 4.  They sent me home with some Tylenol PM and I slept until noon.  Since then I have felt fine.  I guess that's why they call it false labor.  It certainly FELT like real labor. BLEH.
We're still hoping that Mister decides to come this week but clearly he isn't in a hurry (and truth be told neither am I).  I would love to soak up these last few days of being a family of 3.  One more weekend would be nice.  The midwives seem to think he is big (no kidding).  They think he will be well over 8 pounds if I make it to my due date.

Whatever happens I am trying to remember that God's timing is better than mine.  Le sigh….

Friday, October 5, 2012

weeks 33-35

Written by Shannon Leigh
Brenna -400
Man do I feel pregnant.
It's actually kind of crazy how much more pregnant I feel this time around than last.
This whole pregnancy thing is crazy tough on a girl's body, especially the 2nd time around (Dear Mrs. Duggar, you're nuts).

It's no secret that I am not a big fan of being pregnant.  It's a means to an end.  You get a baby at the end and that's awesome, but truth be told the getting there kinda sucks.
I know it's beautiful and a miracle and all (which it really/truly is) but it just feels to me like a big fat inconvenience with a side of discomfort. I know I sound like big fat ungrateful baby.  I know I am blessed.

Truthfully I have enjoyed being pregnant more this time than last time and I will slightly miss the alien movement I feel in my tummy when he's out.  As far as pregnancy goes, it appears that I have great ones, so really it could be much, much worse.  Although I hurt- ALOT- especially after a shoot (weddings are even worse) I feel decent most of the time.  The contractions seem worse after a busy/physical day but maybe they'll make labor a little quicker this time?  They have to be good for something, right?  They're too uncomfortable to not be doing anything.

My poor house has been so neglected as far as cleaning goes.  Photography is such a physical job that I haven't had the energy to give her a good scrub down in quite awhile.  I have looked into getting it professionally cleaned before Mister comes but man I just don't know if I can justify the cost.  I have light fixtures to buy… for  a house that I don't live in yet.  Come on people.

The bigger I get at this point the more real "getting him out" is.  I guess that's why the end sucks so bad, so you'll have the motivation to push the little booger out.  That part really isn't easy.

Now that we are getting so close I am feeling a bit insecure.
Will I know how to raise a boy?  Will I do ok?
How on earth can I love another baby the way I love Ruby?  My heart feels like it may explode sometimes because I love her so much, could I possibly love another one the same way?
Will a boy feel different?
How will Ruby react?  Will she feel neglected?

The insecurities get me down sometimes but then I remember how sufficient and abundant God's grace really is and how fully he loves me.
No matter how much I love my babies, my Jesus loves me infinitely more.  The plans he has for me are so much better than the plans I could have made for myself.  Remembering this in the moments of chaos is key.

I'll be "full term" in a week and a half.  YIKES…. but We'll see when Mister decides to make his appearance- I am betting at least a week after his due date:)

Stay tuned!